Getting the Most Out of Intimate Moments

So it is time to breach a sensitive subject...getting the most out of the loving making with your husband.

This means different things to different people. For some, it is as simple (ha!) as achieving orgasm. For some, it has to do with romantic gestures. For some, it is expanding their horizons. But all have the same issue, if you aren't getting what you need or desire, you aren't making the connections with your husband that you want. 

So how do you approach this topic? It is very sensitive in nature, and you, of course, don't want to hurt your spouse. First of all, no matter what the above topics are the issue, never start this conversation on an evening where you know sex is imminent, or directly after. You and your spouse are already vulnerable, and with this subject matter, you will only hurt each other and no one will win. 

So in the above three listed topics, I think the easiest is the romantic gestures part. But here is the hard part, guys are not so smart. In the movies, the guys always think of super romantic things to do all on their own. The key words in that sentence are, "in the movies". This is not real life! Guys need hints. Some guys need you to be more direct than that. Some guys need pictures and written instructions. (Honestly, that could be applied to all three topics!) So you might have to be specific with your husband. If you want candles, soft music, etc tell him! Heck, buy the candles and provide the music. Now he has all the tools, and wait for him to implement them. Most men who love their wives, are eager to please. These are easy "demands", and don't challenge his prowess. 

The next easiest is probably expanding your horizons. Again, most men are eager to please, so this might not be a big deal depending on how much of an expansion this would be for your relationship. So my first tip is, take expansion in steps. You can't change your entire intimate lifestyle overnight! Just as you would want him to be compassionate to your apprehensions be compassionate to his. A possible way to approach this topic? Wait until the night AFTER a love making session, and then start the conversation with, "You know what my favorite part of last night was? It was.. What was your favorite part?." Always, always when making suggestions to your spouse, start with the good stuff. Leading with bad stuff, will make them feel inadequate, insecure, and possibly defensive, which will lead to them tuning you out. As the conversation progresses lead in with "You know what I've always wanted to try..." Who knows? The conversation itself might lead to a follow up of your prior evening!

Now the last one is by far the hardest. It is a sensitive subject, for several reasons. One, if you have been married for sometime and have been "faking it", you husband might feel like you are coming out of left field. Two, he could become defensive because he might feel inadequate. The timing of this conversation is really about knowing your spouse, but again, it's really important to not have it sex adjacent. Also be ready to explain to him what exactly you need. His body is different than yours. If he isn't getting you where you need to go, he probably doesn't know how. So just telling him that it isn't working won't be enough. And if you are honest with yourself, you may not know either! This may take some exploring on both of your parts. It's important to keep an open line of communication during this process. Enjoy the discovery! It might take it to the next level for both of you.

The theme here is communication. The overall theme to a better love life is communication. And also being realistic. Every couple deserves a dynamite intimate relationship, but it takes time, but the journey there is half the fun!